I don't kick asses and take names; I slap asses and give them MY phone number.

I have to admit, there are some days when I just want to fill a van with barrels of gasoline and drive it through a high school bonfire on Homecoming Night. Then there are days like today, when I'm just f*&king awesome.

Let me preface this story with how my heating system blew up. Literally. The service guy came and the moment I saw his mustache, I knew only good things could happen. Apparently the compressor thinger (not his exact words) literally exploded inside the unit, causing the system to shut down. Thank Darwin (you're welcome, Jess) for the Auxillary heat function, or my buttcheeks would've frozen together. It should be fixed by next week. Merry Christmas to me.

Then I called back a former manager I used to work with 2 companies and 1,327 beers ago. He left a voicemail for me this morning. I was so busy being awesome all day, I never got back to him until 5:30pm. He casually asked me if I'd consider working for him again. I explained how I just started a new gig and wasn't really looking. Then he launched into crazy detail about how he's involved in a start-up, and these brand-new positions will have a lot of potential, especially for someone with my [mediocre] experience. (Translation: They don't plan on paying shit for anyone right now). I told him I didn't really think it was a good move for me at this point, all things considered. THEN he says, "Come on, you had a lot of fun working with me!!" To which I responded, "You're absolutely right, I did. But you had a BLAST working with me, which is why you called me today." He forced a laugh.

We ended the call with the empty promises that I would think about it, and he'd meet up with me for a few beers later in the week.

Man it feels good to be a gangster.