Richard Jeni once said, "I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo and I'm thinking OK, here's a gal who is capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future." There's something to think about.
Last week my mom and I flew out to the desert to visit my sister and her family. We find we're more effective as a team: I've got youth on my side, Mom's got experience. Between us both, we can keep those two little boys under control...until one morning...
I was in the kitchen and my sister and brother in law were gone to work. I heard a Bang Bang Bang! "Open the door!" coming from my mom, about 30 feet away, down the hall. Apparently the youngest son, who is just about 3 years old, locked himself in the bathroom with the one dog. "OPEN THIS DOOR NOW!" I could tell she was trying to be authoritative and not show fear, but that kid didn't care either way. He was busy with the dog and all the cool stuff kids find in bathrooms - toilet paper, shampoo, toilets... Poor Mom. Poor dog. But hey, dogs have teeth, right? If it got bad in there, I would imagine survival instinct would kick in. Bang bang! "You better open this door....!" Uh oh, I think she was about to crack.
Right when I was getting ready to walk down the hall and offer my assistance (which just means I'm tall enough to reach one of the spare keys my sister keeps above each door frame in the house), the little dude opened the door, the dog ran out and all was well. We never found out what he did to the dog in there, but she smelled faintly of Oil of Olay for the rest of the day. It was the first time I ever saw my mom drink wine before 9am. Hey, it's adult grape juice. I let her go.
And then there was my big date with my oldest nephew. We went to see "The Lorax" and he was pretty pumped. He's such a good kid. He's one of those good natured, helpful kids that would give you the shirt off his back...but apparently that's where his goodwill ends, as I found out in the theatre. He may share his toys, his popcorn, let you ride his bike (if you'll fit), hell, even offer you the last piece of bubble gum...but try to get even one piece of Chocolate Covered Cookie Dough candy out of his little fingers and you'll have better luck winning the $50 million Power Ball 3 times in a row. Can you believe he waited until the lights dimmed and the movie started before he opened the box of candy? Like I wasn't going to hear/smell him eat them. And afterwards I said, "Hey, I bet that candy sure was good in there," to which he replied, "It was, especially since I didn't share!" And then he laughed at me! Oooo, ZING! He got me good. I have declared him my FAVORITE 7 year old nephew.
Annnd back to the other kid. He has some difficulty saying a strong C. My family's nickname for me is Crissy (which is strange since my name is Georgia...ha ha...but seriously...) Straight from the mouths of babes: To the 3 year old, the kid who struggles to say a hard C, my name was Titsy. Like my real first name isn't stripper-sounding enough, now I've got Titsy as a nickname. Hopefully he outgrows it, and until then I'll be wearing padded bras and heavy sweaters. The best part of being called Titsy, though, is that every time it comes up, my mom cracks up laughing like it's the first time she's heard it. That cracks ME up, and then it's just a never-ending circle of laughs.
On our last night, my sister let the oldest nephew stay up later to hang with Aunt Titsy and Grandma Lady (my family is hell on names). When he was finally being sent off to bed my mom grabbed him for a bear hug. She started saying all those cool things Grandmas say, things like Be a good boy, Watch out for those girls chasin' ya, I love you so much... and then it was MY turn. I gave him a big hug, which started off a little awkward because I grabbed him by the head (we have big heads in my family, what can I say?)... and I didn't know what to say. My mom said all the good stuff. So I was like (huuuuug!), "Uh, yeah, so uh, be good and uh...don't do drugs." And he laughed at me.
So there it was, my big shining moment in being influential in a child's life. The only thing we can do now is see if it sticks.
