Monday, June 10, 2013

I don't mean to bitch (but really I do...)

I want to start this off by saying I love old people. Is that rude? But it's true. I was practically raised in a nursing home (my mom worked in one and childcare was limited). I volunteer at my local VA and hang with the vets during bingo. Let me tell you - nothing is scarier than a bunch of former Army guys catching a Marine cheating at bingo. He can "Ooo RAH!" all he wants; if B 4 wasn't called, it WASN'T CALLED and he will have 5 guys offering to personally kick his cheating ass back to his room.

With that being said, I would like to ask one teeny, tiny favor to all the "old" folk out there: Stop doing things on my time. I don't think I'm asking too much. All I am asking for is to go to the bank on my lunch hour and get in and out. I get pissed when I'm stuck in line behind five 73-year olds who got there "early" so they could catch Maury Pauvich at 1:30pm (yea Dad, I'm talking to you). Spoiler alert: We never find out who the father of LaShawnda's baby is! Big shocker there.

Or maybe I want to get to work early one morning. Is it too much to ask to have an easy-breezy drive in at 7:10am on a Tuesday? Apparently, yes, that IS asking too much. Sucks to be me, but Ethel and Bea need to take their morning drive to nowhere at 8 miles per hour BELOW the speed limit. Oh, you're stuck behind them? Sucks to be you; Ethel's rear-view mirror is turned straight down to the floor so she doesn't even notice you are tailgating.

And then there's the dentist. Just once I'd like to snag an appointment during "regular people hours." You know, maybe a 2pm on a Thursday; I can take a half day off from work, grab some lunch, head over at my leisure... But NOPE. Forget about booking any kind of appointment between 9am and 3pm. Even if I get lucky and sneak in at 1pm-ish, I walk into a waiting room full of gray-haired folks who all have appointments ranging from 2:30pm-5:30pm. REALLY?!? Can't these people just drop off their teeth and come back later?

So that's my gripe for today. Oh wait. Did I say this blog was about old people? HA! My mistake. I actually meant it was about unemployed people who were milking the welfare system and are looking forward to the joys of Obamacare. It's bad enough they're mooching our tax dollars; now they are mooching our free time. Yeah, I have a problem with that. Bummer alert: This blog ended up being one.