Sunday, February 15, 2009

"You don't work because you like it. You do it for the money. You do what you enjoy as a hobby." --my dad


I'm beginning to realize job interviews are much like first dates. First blind dates, at that. I don't know them, they don't know me, and we spend the entire time trying to figure who's got the upper hand. Hell, even the questions are the same:

"Did you have a hard time finding the place?"

"Tell me a little about yourself."

"What exactly is your current job?"

"Why are you available?"

"How much do you make?"

"It was a pleasure meeting you. I will be in touch."

Plus, you stress about what to wear: Something uber conservative or something fashionable? You don't want to come across looking "easy," but you still want them to know you're interested. And, meeting the 'main boss' is like meeting the parents. You've gotten this far: Don't screw it up. No cursing, no joking, and you must convince them that you're bringing something fantastic to the table, otherwise you'll never see these people again.

Nowadays, potential employers aren't messing around. I've had two interviews so far and both companies gave me a personality test. Employment has gone beyond job qualifications. They are getting downright personal. There is no more, "Sorry, you're underqualified." It is now, "Well, you're qualified, but your test came back and it seems you've got shithead potential. Sorry." It's unnerving, to say the least. Of course, my tests will say that I am rarely unnerved and that I work best under pressure. They will also tell you that I prefer accuracy to efficiency, my color preference is in the 'cool' family and I really think the next number in this sequence: 5, 10, 15, 20... is 37.

Two tests, two companies, two chances to get a job. I've got my fingers crossed I'll get two offers and have to make one very important decision, because this is it: The next job I get at this point in my career is the one I stay with, forever and ever. I'm viewing it as a marriage: Good or bad, I'm not leaving.

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