I used to blog on Myspace on a fairly regular basis. Now I am here, but some of my better blogs are still over there. I am in a writing mood tonight, but admittedly, it wouldn't be much fun for you, Reader Person. Ironically, some of my funniest blogs have been written when I was bummed out. Today, however, I can't pull it off. So, in order to keep with my original intentions of this site (to entertain and not depress), I am posting a blog I wrote for Myspace about 2 years ago (give or take).
Year 2007
I had an interesting conversation with Yahoo tonight. The elusive Yahoo. Go ahead and try to get a customer service phone number for them. Ahh, I'll save you the trouble: 1-866-562-7219.
Anyway, I've been getting matches on "my" Yahoo Personal Ad over the past few weeks. I vaguely remember a jackass guy at work talking about setting up a dating site for me. I didn't think he'd actually do it, though (honestly, I didn't think he'd be smart enough to figure out how to do it). Well, not only did he set me up, he made me out to be a good time. A GREAT time, from what I could tell; the results of my 'matches' were being sent straight to my work email. I was getting responses like, "You sound like a live wire," or "You sound like the no-strings, good time girl I've been looking for!" and even "We don't need to exchange last names" types of shit.
Now normally, I'd find humor in this. But since my company is slowly going down the shitter and we're all afraid of losing our jobs at any moment for any reason, I figure these 'matches' would probably have management frown upon me.
Which takes me back to calling Yahoo. After much searching, I finally stumbled onto their phone number and got Customer "Service" (ironic term for the douchebag who took my call). I try to explain my situation to her.
Me: "Hi, I have a problem. Someone set up a fake Personal Ad for me on Yahoo and I need to get it taken down. The matches are being forwarded to my work email and I'm really not cool with this."
Douchebag: "What is your sign-on ID?"
Me: "Yeeeah...I don't KNOW. Someone else set it up."
She says she can probably find the account using my work email address, which I give to her. Then she says, "Okay, I found the account. The ID is "Cdubswstubs." Can you please tell me who your childhood hero was, so I can confirm this is your account?"
Now at this point, I don't know what is more idiotic: this Pretend-a-Human on the phone, or her question.
Me: "WHAT?!?!? I didn't HAVE a childhood hero! Look, I didn't set this up! I don't even know what that ID means. I can't confirm anything because it's not mine! All I know is, I have every trucker in the Philadelphia area contacting me, it's being copied through my work email and I need it to stop, like, NOW."
Apparently "condescension and frustration" is the language spoken by idiots. Convinced of my situation, she sends me an email with a new password so I can access the account. Then she gives me a separate link ("delete-user.notlong.com", in case you need to do the same sometime) to terminate the account, which I did. But sweet jesus. Talk about a total moron.
I mean, really. Confirm my childhood hero...? That's such a bullshit question.
It was Voltron: Defender of the Universe.
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