Everybody knows that the world is full of stupid people. -The Refreshments

"There are two types of people in this world: People who think poop/fart jokes are funny, and people who don't." -courtesy of D.H.

One category of person who falls into the "poop isn't funny" slot is the Bus Thrower. I just found out yesterday that I work with one.

For those of you unfamiliar, the Bus Thrower is an elusive coworker who will sell you out when you least expect it. I dare say they are worse than the Back Stabber. At least with a Back Stabber, you have a pretty good idea they don't like you. You can see it coming. A Bus Thrower, however, hits you like seagull shit on the boardwalk...and usually right when you're about tear into your Boardwalk Fries.

Now, I'm not going to whine about what happened to me, but I will tell you that after having that experience, I realized I need a reality show. And it will be called Judgment Island, and it will be awesome.

Here's how it works:

I get my very own island. It's all mine. And then I bring people onto my island, and they have to compete. I'm thinking contests like, "Who can survive without water the longest," or "Who can eat 50 slugs the fastest?" or my favorite, "So you think you can bullfight?" will keep it interesting. And here's where it gets good ~ No one wins. But they don't know that.

If someone manages to come out on top (and that's a big IF), it doesn't matter - they will still get kicked off my island. There's only one winner on Judgment Island, and that person is me. I run the show, and I will judge everyone...harshly. To their faces. There will be no alliances. No immunities. These people will be lucky to get food and shelter, and I'm sure I will judge that, too.

I'm thinking a good way to kick it off is to go with celebrities. Definitely one Baldwin is required. A former addict (I kinda like Mackenzie Phillips, she's got it all) would round it out, and I would have to have a famous midget (totally Webster. No doubt about it). No reality show is worth anything without a little conflict. Toss in Rosanne Barr and then surprise-guest the shit out of her with Tom Arnold about a week into the show, and we're talking ratings out the ass.

I'm a genuis, I know. But really, I'm just trying to do what comes naturally. I mean, the only real difference between Judgment Island and what I do now is that now, I don't sit on a beach all by myself. That's why I need an island. With an ice cream stand.

Now I just need to convince VH1 or MTV to pick it up and I'll be set. And if they don't? Well, then...Fudge them. Or rather, Judge Them. Which I'll do anyway.

I think I just want my own island.