If you can't be kind, be vague.

I just finished an article about how women aren't necessarily "pre-programmed" into hetero- or homo- sexuality from birth; that we can 'change our minds' throughout the course of our lives. Men seem to be programmed, however, and there's even some research to show that gay men actually have a mutuated X chromosome. But women?? Not so much. Yes, it seems the feminist movement has officially made it into sex. First the right to vote. Then that whole burning bra thing. And now the right to flip-flop in between men and women and dammit, we're going to burn our bras and our girlfriend's bras! Take that!

Our first example is Lindsay Lohan. One of Hollywood's rising whores, and suddenly overnight, she's with a woman. Cynthia Nixon (redhead from Sex and the City) was with a man for 15 years, had two children with him, then dumped him in 2004 to be with a "woman" she met at some New York rally thing (and really, don't you think her "girl"friend looks more like a bad version of Chris Penn than a chick?). Anne Heche: Men, Ellen, back to men.

I'd be more inclined to believe that women were sexually fluid if they left their men for feminine women, but they're not. They're leaving men for women who could easily pass for being men! That's just cheating and quite frankly...silly.

Now, if Jessica Biel left Justin for Jessica Alba, THAT would make for some serious headlines (and the male readership of tabloid magazines would quadruple overnight). But Lindsay running off with some shemale? Hardly. It doesn't intrigue us; it disgusts us.

So, for all you pseudo-lesbians out there, take note: Get over yourselves. Switching from men to quasi-men is redundant. No one wants to buy your home videos. We don't want to see you holding hands in public. It's not sexy. It's awkward and confusing, especially when you broke up with your boyfriend to date a chick who looks eerily JUST LIKE HIM...sans penis.

Maybe I'm close minded, but I'm trying not to be. I'm cool with regular gay people, just not the posers... like those stupid girls who get drunk at college parties and then make-out with their friends, just so guys look at them? Really? That's how you get attention? Maybe some dude would have been interested in your Garfield figurine collection, or how you won the checkers tournament in 3rd grade against your biggest rival, Jason Selemba (cough). Okay, maybe not. Whatever. I'm just saying...I think all this lesbian-love is some kind of phase. Once their 'boy/girl'friends steal the last tampon, I bet that illusion of love goes right out the window.

Plus? You can always count on a guy to carry the heavy stuff, like microwaves and cases of beer. Your shemale can't do that.