F-ck the Weather Channel.

That's right, I said it. It is a bold statement made by a bold woman, one who sits on her front porch with a glass of wine and her dog off its leash. Hold me back, I'm breaking at least two laws right now. Was that a fart? Make it three (air pollution). That's how I roll. Suck it.

I do not understand why black people movies are such a big, freakin' deal. I mean, I get it, there aren't a whole lot out there (The Color Purple, Roots, How Stella Got Her Groove Back, Gorillas in the Mist...ha ha, come on, that's a JOKE), but still... why the big deal? I can't think of any Mexican movies, and those people should be el gripe-o...ing. Okay, that's a lie. There is one movie that comes to mind and it stars Jennifer Lopez as the main character. Here's the catch: she's not even Mexican - she's a Puerto Rican! That is like white people trying to pass Colin Farrell off as an Italian dude and plugging him into The Godfather. COME ON! I guess my point is...uh...I don't have one. I've got some wine buzz action happening.

I need to get a new toothbrush. I thought I read somewhere that you are supposed to get a new toothbrush every three months. Does anyone really do that? Hang on, I take that back. For anyone who does that...you need a hobby or a pet or a girlfriend. If you can keep track of how long it's been since your last 'new' toothbrush, stop. Immediately. Do something crazy: Park in a handicapped spot. Don't put your shopping cart in the 'cart corral.' You know those "Take a Penny, Leave a Penny" cups? Take a penny...hell, take several pennies and don't use them for your purchase. Be a badass.

I got a new job at work. I'm pretty excited about it, except that now my desk is being moved so I can sit with my "new team." The downside to that is, my new team is on the "People of Wal-Mart" floor of the company. Great. I'll be surrounded by nothing but mouth breathers and people who wear corduroy shirts, people who brag about getting Lawrence Olivier's autograph like, a million years ago. I cannot wait.

And my last (buzzed) thought of the day is this: Art. It's stupid. And people who go to school for it, or for art "history" are equally stupid. Just because you think a painting of a distorted mule eating glass, sitting on a purple box is 'artsy' and 'stimulating' doesn't mean you are smarter or "deeper" than me. All it means is that you are a delusional douchebag with more student loans and a crappier job. You can shove Picasso up your nose. He isn't meaningful or expressive. He made more money dead! That right there says it all! If you do anything and are poor in life BUT make ka-gillions after you die, then you are not doing it right. Example: Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson, Jimi Hendrix...People who didn't do it right.

And that is exactly why I am pretty sure I will be a world-famous, kagillionaire writer before I die. Print this blog out. It will happen. Maybe. Most likely.

I need a refill.