You are only as strong as your weakest nipple.

Last week, I developed a rash on my nipple. Just the one...one rogue nipple. I know, it's an awkward topic, not one I would normally throw out into the public arena casually. Which is why I called my sister about it - I was sure she'd offer up some sage areola advice. Here's the conversation we had:

Me: Hey, I have a rash on my nipple. It's CRAZY itchy, too.
Sister: Why are you telling me this?
Me: Because I want to know if this has ever happened to you. Ya know, maybe this is genetic or something.
Sister: (silence)
Me: Uh, yeah, I put some aloe on it. Do you think that will help?
Sister: (silence...but I could hear her breathing...) So yeah, I was assigned to a new project at work, but I'm not sure I want to deal with the chick I've been partnered with...
Me: (scratch scratch scratch) Uh, okay, what's the problem with her...?

Note to Sister - See that fancy magnet? Don't think you'll be getting one of those from me anytime soon.

Needless to say, the rash cleared up. I attribute that to the aloe and amazing self control. But let me tell you, it was a stressful few days. After the go-nowhere conversation with my sister, I tried Googling "Nipple Rashes." I thought for sure I would be enlightened with some medical goodness. What a mistake that was. All I can say is, I really hope my Norton Anti-Virus was working, because I saw pictures and websites that only my exboyfriend would masturbate to.

What a crazy week.

Aside from the nipple incident, I was at work the other day and opened a bottle of soda. Let me give you some backstory here: I work with a woman who is a crazed Bless You Nazi. Someone can sneeze from 15 aisles away and if she hears it, she will scream "BLESS YOU!" in their direction. She is an insane pain in the ass with it. Now back to the story...

So, I open a bottle of soda. You know how it makes that "PSSSSHHHH" sound, right? Well, it does that, and the only two people in the department are me and Crazy. As I took my first sip I hear (from over the cubicle wall), "BLESS YOU!!!"

It was definitely a WTF moment. But, never one to resist pointing out another person's shortcomings, I yelled back, "Hey [Crazy], I didn't sneeze, I opened a bottle of Coke. But, you turned my soda into wine, so for that, I thank you." What makes this joke even funnier is the fact that she's half Jewish.

Now onto that Van Gough-quality picture. That is the glorious artwork of my oldest nephew. What I like most about his art is how absolute he is. "ONLY call if..." Yea, you tell 'em! Screw you if you want to call to say Hi. Go to hell if you want to check in to see if we have plans for Sunday. If you're not calling about Chip, the green mouse dog (thank you T.D for that description), we want NOTHING to do with you. Now that's my kind of kid.

And finally, to wrap this show up, I have been hearing recently that some people want to leave comments on my blogs, but are hesitent to do so because no one else is leaving comments. PLEASE! If you have something to say, don't be shy! Write it down! I love comments! And hell, if you leave a cool enough one, it might even give me a blog idea. Give it a shot...in fact, I'll go first...