"My need to pee trumps YOUR need to pee." - quoted by me, to my dog, 5 minutes ago.

In my defense, I've had a few beers. You don't mess with that. ANYWAY...

See this girl? That's my half-sister. Technically, she's really my 2/3 sister. Super-duper long story short, my biological dad is a scumbag whoremonger who deserves to have his dick fall off. And down a storm drain. Never to be seen again. (I'll give you a moment to let that sink in) Needless to say, the only genetic difference between this chick and me is that we have different grandmothers. Our grandfathers were brothers, our mothers...first cousins. Well, that and I have waaaay better hair. So there's your "WTF" moment of the day. You're welcome.

It's no shock to anyone who knows me that people have said I was "mean." The reality is, those people have no sense of humor. Thankfully, I have discovered that the 'mean gene' is, in fact, for real. I found my 2/3 sister's Facebook page (thank you, Bing). Unfortunately (for her), my nosy ass discovered she only had most of it privatized (if that's a word...it is now). Luckily for me, she's *just* enough of an attention whore that she made one page public. Here are some blurbs from her posts:

"Money doesn't buy happiness but I'd rather cry in my Ferrari."
"Move out of the way, children, I've been waiting 11 years to see Toy Story 3."
"I don't like chicks with tans; it means they've been out of the kitchen."
"I don't care if the spider's 'not hurting anyone.' I want it DEAD."
"The amazing feeling of victory when you see karma kick someone's ass..."
"I'm gonna kill this bug...HOLY-SHIT-IT-FLIES!"
"Locking your animal in your room to make it spend time with you..."
"I will sit in my car an extra 10 seconds to hear part of a song."
"You cannot fathom the immensity of the f-ck I do not give."
"Saying 'Oh my God, I almost died!' when you really didn't."
"I can't hear you, so I'll just laugh and hope it wasn't a question."
"People saying 'We can still be friends' is like saying 'Your dog is dead but you can still keep it.' "

Be honest: if I didn't preface those phrases with, I didn't write these, you'd probably think they were me. Creepy, huh? Especially when you consider I've not only never met this chick, but she's a decade younger than me. Apparently the Douchebag Gene is a strong one. I dare say it's stronger than AIDs...well, if AIDS was a gene. Which it's not. But if it were...I'm gonna shut up now.

The point of the lesson is this: Genetics are a strong, strong, force. It's like the Jedi of Biology. Remember that the next time you have sex, and please, use a condom. Because that person only seems that cool 'cuz your drunk.