I steal other people's pictures. I also litter. Deal with it.

I never claimed to be perfect. I think previous posts have certainly proven this to be a fact. So it always amazes me when other people figure out that I'm only human. Bad mood? Bad breath? Me?!?! Don't act so surprised. It happens to the best of us.

Like sometimes, I get tired. And when I get tired, I get cranky (or at least subdued). But, call me out on being cranky, and man, I get even crankier. It's kinda like being fat. We know if we're fatties. Having someone say, "Hey, you're pretty freakin' fat," doesn't exactly score points. I don't point out your lazy eye. Hell, I don't even allude to the way you drag your leg when you walk. I assume you know, probably by the uneven wear of your shoes. So yeah..I'm fat, I'm cranky, whatever. I know. It'll pass. Let's move on. Pass me a cupcake....with a cookie on top. Hillbilly. (huh?)

Random topic jump:

I was in a training session at work today. It sucked, in case you were curious. But that's not what this is about. There was an old man sitting in front of me, and it was like watching National Geographic. I watched him pick his nose for 15 minutes. I was enthralled...and really, so was he. He gave each nostril his undivided attention. He didn't even stop to wipe. He bounced from one hole right on over to the next. I've never seen anything like it in my life! Who doesn't stop to wipe during the picking session?? The man was a beast, and yet, that was only the beginning.

Towards the end of the session, he took the cap off his pen. Then he tickled his earlobe with it. Yes, TICKLED. He self-performed a little foreplay. Is that even possible? Apparently so. And right when I thought he was wrapping it up, he shoved the cap in his ear and went mining for some ear-gold. Fascination turned to repulsion. I knew two things at that point: 1. I'm glad I skipped the grilled cheese sandwich for lunch, and 2. I sure as hell was never borrowing a pen from that guy again.

Unfortunately, that's my life at the moment. Work work work, with a little more work thrown in, and the random training session where I get to watch coworkers bathe themselves like monkeys. That statement could easily lead to the obvious poop-throwing and/or masturbation joke, but come on. I'm better than that...today.

And so, I'm going to end this blog on a bitter, feminist note, courtesy of Gloria Steinem:

"I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career."

Everyone thinks they have a sense of humor, even people who don't.

Scary enough, when I found that picture online (I just googled "Meathead"), it turns out the dude is a fellow blogger on this host site. Small world. Nice necklace.

We've got a new guy who started working in my department. Unfortunately for me, they put him in the cube directly across from mine. And I thought Crotch Grabber guy was a pain in the ass...

So, this new guy is 26, Eye-talian and he thinks he's the Fonz, or someone equally cool. Our first conversation went something like this:

Meathead: You look banged up today. Out drinking last night?

Me: Whaaa? No. I'm just tired.

Meathead: I started drinking when I was 12.

Me: And what, you haven't stopped since? You're drunk now? Good for you.

Meathead: Haha, giggity. Do you go out on the weekends?

Me: Sometimes.

Meathead: I always go out on the weekends. My girlfriend lives in South Jersey. She's 31. I love older women, giggity. I bet you don't go out during the week.

Me: Not usually. I wake up early.

Meathead: Yeah, sometimes I come to work straight from the bar. You're single, huh.

And that's exactly how he said it. It wasn't a question. It was a flat-out statement: You-are-single-HUH. Period.

I couldn't believe it.

With one statement, that little shit made me feel like I was back in high school, minus the over-sized tee shirts and violin case. Here I am, a 31 year old homeowner, and I felt the need to validate my existence on Earth to this creep...the same guy who asked at 11:50am, "Hey, so what do yoose guys do for lunch?"

It's going to be a looooong career. I should've seen it coming when he moved into the cube. He put up the DVD of "Boondock Saints." Yeah, it was a great movie, but he's presenting it like it is a personal photo. Uh, note to douchebag: Just because you like a cool movie, that doesn't make you cool. Christ, if it was that easy, I'd be signing up for Netflix and putting every awesome movie on the list, starting with "The Shawshank Redemption" and ending with "Battlefield Earth."

I'm sure I'll document what happens. I've got a touch of seniority on him, so I feel that gives me some license to tell him to shut the f--- up at times. Wow. I just realized I've been in the new gig for 3 months. If I had gotten knocked up when I started, I'd be making a formal announcement right now!

Imagine that. Giggity.