If you haven't watched the YouTube video about how badass the honey badger is, you need to get on that before you keep reading this blog. It's cool, I'll wait. (waiting...............and waiting some more........)
Good stuff, eh? Okay, now this blog will make sense to you.
I don't think I am alone when I say I think society has gotten too soft. Everyone is afraid of insulting someone, even if it means sacrificing their own principles and comfort level. I am here to say Forget That! If the Pope can quit his job, if the Mayans can reset thousands of years, then gosh darn it, we should be able to say what is on our minds and not be afraid of ringing in 2014 all alone because we insulted a few friends & family members along the way.
I think 2013 should be the year people stop being polite and start getting back to basics. Put your big boy/girl pants on; shit is about to get real.
People have told me that I am rigid, uncompromising, obnoxious and generally speaking, uptight. I cannot say I disagree with any of those descriptions, but I do disagree that I am any of those things all of the time. I would say it's an 85/15 split. Most of the time, I'd say I'm fairly relaxed and easy going. Here are some of the things I ask for full cooperation and consideration on. Like a power-lifting midget, this list might be small, but it is powerful:
Use a coaster (or I'll break your fingers). By my calculations I have already spent approximately 1/6 of my life dusting my furniture. I will make your life permanently uncomfortable if my time was spent in vain because you are too lazy to use a coaster for your Diet Dr. Pepper.
If I'm on the phone (not with you), don't talk to me or the person I am on the phone with. 1 - It's rude, and 2 - I cannot multi-task and have two conversations at once. It's hard enough for me even to use a phone, let alone juggle two conversations. Cut me some slack and I will give you the same courtesy. If you choose to ignore this warning, you risk getting an epic kick to the shins.
Be on time. It's really not that hard to be on time, and you're really not that important to be late. Sorry Narcissus. I apologize, Joaquin Phoenix. You're just not that important. Hell, I'M not that important. All I ask is that you don't hold up my meeting; chances are I'm hungry, I have to pee, or I just have shit to do. If my party starts at 6pm, show up at 6pm. I don't want your ass camped out on my couch at 3am all because you decided to make an appearance at 10pm. My life is not your 24 hour convenient store.
If you ask a rude question, expect a rude response.
If we are in the same crowd together, don't stand next to me and fart. Granted, the random Fart in the Crowd is usually a stranger (or maybe I'm giving everyone I know too much credit), but come on. What makes the crowd fart so gross is the body heat of the crowd. Besides, I don't need your fart in my $10 beer.
So with the new year upon us, I think we should all drop our inhibitions and just tell it like it is. Call people out. Break some fingers for the rings on your coffee table. Stand up straight and say No! I will not buy more Girl Scout Cookies! (okay, but just one more box) Stick to your guns - If someone is talking about you behind your back, respond to them to their face.
If we all follow the rule of the Honey Badger, we can put Tums out of business. It's pretty simple, actually. Just don't give a shit.
