So how 'bout that new health care bill? I haven't blogged in quite some time because I really haven't had much material. Go figure, I still don't. No, I am not even touching the political stuff. No need to get your panties in a bunch. I only reserve my discussions of politics and religion for my minority friends (I think I am up to 3). Bad segway: I work with a guy who is getting married in a few months and today he told me how he put "fun" items on his wedding gift registry. You know, fun things like a Dungeons and Dragons book, art supplies and a blue ray DVD player. Is that what the kids are doing nowadays? I mean, registering for those kinds of gifts really expose who you are as a person. Are you ready for that? Is the guest list?
D&D? Uh, yeah, if I go to that wedding I'm probably going to eat all the shrimp just to piss off the other nerd guests. But realistically, I bet most of them are allergic anyway and the few remaining hate cocktail sauce, so...more shrimp for me. I know, I know, to each his own. If some jackass wants to turn his wedding registry into a Letter to Santa, then that's his perogative. I don't have to like it, but I don't think it's right. In fact, I bet he is the "under" toilet paper guy. Oh, you know who I'm talking about. There are two types of people in this world: Those who put the toilet paper roll on properly, and those who put it on so the sheet sneaks up from underneath. I've done the math on this. I've been places, I've seen things. My statistical brain-math says that 95% of people are "over the top" toilet paper loaders. Then there's that 4%. What are you people, farmers? Who taught you to
live?
Underneath toilet paper. Riiiight. Next you'll tell me pork isn't a white meat (hmmm?) Lastly, we have that lingering 1% of noncommittals who try to say they don't care if the paper is over or under. Liars!! You are the same people who act like you don't like the taste of beer. (figures they'd be women) Speaking of beer... I came up with a solid marketing compaign for tampons today. Personally, I like to keep mine in the freezer. Nothing helps beat the heat on a hot summer day like a chilly tampon. So check it out: Instead of the stupid commercials with the cute cheerleaders, or the anti-commercials against the cute cheerleader commercials, why not turn a woman's menstral cycle into a party? Let's face it, the one thing most guys would kill to hear is, "Honey, I am NOT pregnant!" PAR-TAY! Let's make it one. Picture it: Hot chicks in bikinis washing cars, maybe a water fight breaks out, beer starts falling from the sky and then the announcer comes in: "Got beer? Don't forget the Tampax!" It may be weird at first, but trust me ladies, this will work. Men will no longer bitch and moan when we ask them to run to the store to grab us a box. Why? 'Cause they dodged a bullet that month, baby! It's time to celebrate! I know, I'm a genius. Thanks for reading.
