It's a new year. I don't know about you people, but I pretty much kept my 2010 resolutions: I did not get engaged (thumbs down, 2009!), and I'm still awesome (thumbs up, 2010!). Baby steps.
I never did understand people who made resolutions based on other people's decisions. Like people who 'resolve' to get a promotion, or get someone else to quit smoking...stuff like that. You can't control what other people decide to do. It is a simple fact of life. He's not going to marry you no matter how many hints you drop. And your boss barely knows your name, let alone your employee number to fill out paperwork for your promotion. Keep it real. Resolve not to cry after sex, or maybe lose 5 lbs. Maybe finally make a doctor's appointment and get that rash checked out. Stuff like that.
Speaking of losing 5 lbs, this is the time of year that pisses me off the most. Not because I'm trying to drop the 3 guinea pigs I packed on over the holidays, but because my nice, quiet, little gym is now packed with chubby New Year's Resoluters who smell like salami and monopolize the equipment.
Take yesterday for example. I was on the treadmill and Chubbs 1 & 2 came waddling in. I admit, I do get a certain enjoyment out of watching the newcomers. They enter the gym, almost like they've been chased in from the street. Disheveled and a little nervous, they look around, not sure where to go next. The guys always make a bee-line for the weights. The chick follows, realizes she knows even less about dumbbells, and wanders back out to the cardio equipment. She eyes it suspiciously, kind of like how my dog eyeballs the vacuum when I pull it out. The bike? Uuhhhh, no, those pedal straps are SCARY. The Stairmaster? Uuuhhhhhhhhh, nope, stairs are HARD. The treadmill...ooo, yeah, the treadmill. Walk? I can walk!
So Slim jumps on the treadmill next to me and sets it to a 2 mph pace. And dammit if after 5 minutes she isn't winded! I would have offered her some of my water but she looked more like a milkshake kinda gal.
I never did find out how long she lasted (my workout was done way before hers), but I am curious to see if I'll ever see her (or him) in there again. I've found that it usually takes 3 workouts before the newbies quit. They realize sweating and sore muscles aren't fun at ALL. And they are right. But I'd rather be sweaty and sore and not have my own gravitational force because I busted my ass at the gym, than be sweaty and sore because I strained myself racing back to the buffet again (all because they put out more mashed potatoes and rolls....really?!)
So get out there in 2011 and make me proud! And if you are one of the newbies at the gym, don't give people like me the pleasure of watching your awkwardness. Walk in like you own the place. Run on the treadmill like there's only one Whopper left and its got cheese! Sweat like you just won a hotdog eating contest! YEA!
